Stress and a Brick Wall

Last night I tried putting together an entry about how I'm really getting unhappy at work, how my partner stresses me out, how I work over half the shifts in a month at a station 35 miles from home (while the supervisors don't work there at all), and how I feel like I'm beating my head against a brick wall about this stuff. I was complaining about how working in Little Fishing Village was giving my nothing in the way of calls, how working in a station the supervisors didn't have to be at was bullshit, and how I was tired of getting up a 5:30 in the morning to make it to work on time. Then I deleted it because it was too negative, too whiny.

I put the laptop away, then rolled over to go to bed. Thirty minutes later, I was being dispatched to a baby just born, not breathing. I had never worked an infant code by myself before, and it was not a call that I was looking forward to.

The Fire guys were there ahead of us, upstairs in the second floor, rat-hole apartment. There was a definite air of calm as my partner and I lugged our gear up the stairs in into the apartment. The Fire Medic was right inside the door as we walked in and told me right away, "this is Sylvia and she's miscarrying."

Right then, I had a guilty surge of relief. I wasn't going to be working a newborn arrest, but I still had a very difficult call ahead of me. I'll say it right now though, thank God that the Fire Medic was there--he kept his newer EMTs calm as well as the cops, and I leaned on him an awful lot during this call. He's been a Medic for over 20 years and I have a lot of respect for the guy.

The Fire Medic gave me a few more notes about Sylvia before I entered the bathroom to talk with her. She was young, sitting on the toilet, anxious and upset. She was hispanic and her husband was next to me, kneeling on the bathroom floor mat, and holding a small basin between Sylvia's legs. She was 16 weeks, had a number of miscarriages in the past, and seemed to be holding herself together fairly well. She had a lost a lot of blood, though. The husband reported she had been bleeding for about two hours prior to the 911 call, at least a litre had been lost.

I tried to talk with Sylvia, using the husband and one of the police officers as translators. My partner was brining up the stair chair and I just wanted to get her out of that apartment and into my ambulance before I did anything. I had questions to ask, and after everyone I felt this sick, empty pause. Normally, I can small talk with patients and be comfortable with them, with the scene. This was different though. I knew that Sylvia and her husband felt helpless, and I admit I felt a little helpless as well.

We had to walk Sylvia to the stair chair, then carry her down the stairs. All the while, we did everything we could to keep her covered and comfortable. I called the radio report in the phone, no need to give out too many details be radio, I thought. She was tachycardic and pale, and little hypertensive. I started a line and gave her fluids, then we transported the short mile to the hospital.

For a few minutes, Sylvia and I were in the back of the ambulance alone. She was wimpering now, partly becuase of the pain, but more I suspect becuase of her loss. I felt horrible that I couldn't say anything to her, or do anything to comfort her. And I felt terrible for Sylvia, this incredible sense of sympathy.

My partner and I turned her over to the ER staff, who went to work on Sylvia right away. I spoke with the husband briefly before leaving, who thanked me for helping. We then returned to quarters and I wrote my chart.

When I was working so much time in Little Fishing Village, this was definatley not what I was looking for in the way of calls. I told my supervisor about the call this morning when he relieved me. He's a medic with 15 years experiencing, a very calm level headed person who doesn't let anything phase him. What he said summed it up for me: disturbing.